Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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