I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
