Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
