is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
