That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
