Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
