I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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