I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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