I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
