i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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