She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
