did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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