I'm pants shitting drunk right now
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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