How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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