guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
