I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
