all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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