I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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