Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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