my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
