forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
