I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
