Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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