the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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