a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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