Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
