And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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