this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
