hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
