my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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