just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
