I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
