I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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