I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
