Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
