You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
