so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
