Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
