You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
