I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
