Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
