yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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