Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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