woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
