I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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