i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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