Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
