No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
