Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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