We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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