I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
