The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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