omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
