I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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