Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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