omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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