All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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