I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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