Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
