I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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