if only i could text you this smell
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize