dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
