problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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