college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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