You're earring is so big in my mouth
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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