Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Girls should come with a carfax report
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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