Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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