to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
