Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
