last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
