mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
