You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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