ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?