I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
