then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right