omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
