The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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