there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize