All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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