i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
